Monday, November 2, 2009

I Eat Cholesterol For Breakfast

As you all know, I'm quite passionate about this whole fitness/health/nutrition thing. So when someone is terribly misinformed and yet POSITIVE that his/her position is correct, I go to great lengths to show them the light. Not to rub it in their face, but to keep them from being stupid. Here's an email I literally just sent to a friend of mine, Sarah, who happens to be a bona fide rocket scientist. I'm not kidding. She works in the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Labratory as a guidance and control engineer. Literally. A rocket scientist. However, despite how much smarter than me she probably is, even she can be a bit misinformed on the falsities of cholesterol. Here's my email...

Subject: I drop knowledge so heavy it leaves the world unbalanced...

Here, we are, Miss H*****. Miss Rocket. On the brink of a revolution of the mind. You go right ahead and spout off about fancy rocket thrusters and flux capacitors and the evil Dr. Colossus. I have no doubts that you are more than knowledgeable in a plethora of fields, but unfortunately, you seem to have fallen into the trap that oh so many people do: you heard something a doctor said and ran with it all the way to Conviction Town.

Let me provide you with a brief example: a guy came in one day and was asking about CrossFit. Naturally, being the charmer that I am, I obliged and gave him the rundown of what we do around here i.e. a variety of functional movements executed at relative intensity (Olympic lifting, powerlifting, bodyweight movements, gymnastics movements, monostructural activities, etc). He seems intrigued - most likely because I'm so handsome. So then he says, "Well, I had shoulder surgery and my doctor says I can never lift overhead anymore." Color me vexed. So, I calmly engaged in the following exchange...

"Okay. Do you live in an apartment?"
"Do you have shelves?'
"Do you put things on them?"
"Then you lift things overhead everyday."

Jesse [Wood] had shoulder surgery roughly five years ago. He's been doing CrossFit and Olympic lifting for quite some time. His shoulders are stronger than ever. He recently almost jerked 300#. My point simply is this: you can't believe everything a doctor tells you. Yes, they are far more credible than me and Jesse and Christy and Travis and Liam and Jess and Homeless Dave and Bonita Applebum, but they're not always right. Alright, now that my absurdly long intro is finished, let's move on to Point 2...

Nils, Liam, and you all peppered me with light criticisms last night, essentially claiming that I gather most of my information from blogs, and blogs, naturally, aren't credible. However, what most of you failed to note is that I don't just pull information from blogs written by 13 year-olds who love Miley Cyrus more than gay people like parades. The blogs that I read and stand firmly by are written by doctors, scientists, and people who realize that diabetes and heart disease are worse than ever and there's gotta be something wrong... right? And you can't just blame fast food and laziness. Because thousands of active people who never touch fast food are struck down with heart attacks all the time. So what, pray tell, is going on, my dear? Let's find out!

Robb Wolf
>>Robb Wolf is in charge of CrossFit's Nutrition certification. He is a CrossFit trainer in Northen California and a former research biochemist. He helped Loren Cordain write The Paleo Diet, which is changing lives for the better all over the place. This post discusses our misconceptions about cholesterol and also cites several studies worth checking out. Robb isn't trying to sell some sort of diet. He makes plenty of money already. He endorses the Paleo Diet, but only because it has worked for him and his clients. Not only in improving their performance, but overall health as well. Feel free to sift through his site for a lot more information.

Whole Health Source
>>Stephan Guyenet is neurobiologist who writes this blog related to diet, nutrition, physiology, and a whole bunch of other crap. This link should direct you to all of the stuff he has written regarding cholesterol thus far.

Dr. Ron Rosedale
>>Unfortunately, I don't know a lot about this particular guy. But after some thorough research (Google), it appears he's a respected doctor dealing with nutrition and diet. I know that's vague at best, but I'm trying to give you as much info as possible without my own head exploding. Anyways, this video is an excerpt from an interview with him in regards the cholesterol myths.

The Cholesterol Myths
>>This is a book written by Dr. Uffe Ravnskov. Yes, his website is pretty awful, but he's based out of Europe - what do you expect? He's done buttloads of research to prove that cholesterol is not the true cause of heart disease. I just finished The Tipping Point and I am quite anxious to begin this book. I'm not telling you to go out and buy it, but if you're as thirsty for the truth as you seem, it might not be a bad idea. Or you could wait until I finish it, but that could take a while. I generally get my most reading done whilst pooping.

Alright, that's all I got. I hope this was in some way helpful. It may not change your mind about cholesterol, but perhaps it will shed some light on all the information regarding the subject. All I ask is that you don't take everything a guy in a white coat says as gospel. Yes, I know you wear a white coat at work in the lab and I am infinitely jealous because of it, but like En Vogue said, Free Your Mind.

Awwwww yeah, closing it on with an En Vogue reference! That's what I call a strong finish...



Drew said...

you eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

Eric said...

need more nutrition posts fuck ass, and by the way they are offering refunds for the nutrition cert. due to the black box situation

Q said...

Not sure if you're talking to me. I doubt it because calling me "fuck ass" would be the farthest thing from prudent.

I got my refund. Heading to Chico in January.

I'm not the only one who should be posting here. If people have changed their diet and gotten favorable results, they're supposed to email Drew and he'll post it. Meal plans, eating schedules, favorable/unfavorable food choices, etc.

If people ask questions, I'll do my best to answer them. But it still doesn't seem to me that diet is very important to anyone yet. Prove me wrong, people.